In high school and in my previous jobs - I was known a lot as a “stoner” or someone who looked like they loved parties, raves, and all that lmfao. I constantly was labeled this for many years.
It’s actually the complete opposite.
I don’t care for those things, but I think my image was always something people assumed as being “out there” and everything. I used to have my hair spiked up and wore flashy, bright makeup on my face, and was really into certain things that probably made people lean towards that direction of viewing me as such. The reality is: I’m a shut-in. I like socializing to a degree, with the right people. But I don’t like being around a crowd too much, or being around people I don’t care about. I don’t like enhancing any experiences with substances or whatever. It’s just not me. I don’t care about experimentation because I don’t feel it will accomplish anything. I’m the kind of person who is too busy chasing after their goals. Too busy juggling tasks. Too busy wanting to forge ahead.
I remember working at Panera back 1-2 years ago, and my coworkers - all of them being obnoxious guys - would try to invite me to raves, eat weed-baked brownies they made, or take molly from them. I just refused every time. Even if it was conveniently there. I’m kind of surprised I still managed to decently like them though.. not because of the drug-use, mind you. I don’t change my opinion of a person because of that.. I just didn’t like their personality too much, even if I was friendly.
I used to dwell too much on these things though, in the past. I’m not into smoking, and never smoked. I was into the idea of herbal smoking for some time lol.. kinda gave that up after reading up on a lot more information. I think the thing is, my parents are the only ones out of their large ass families who do not smoke or drink at all. This is the kind of things they’ve taught and disciplined me with, and it’s something I deeply respect. Although I technically hate my mother, I guess that’s one of the very very few things that I am glad about. My maternal grandmother died because of cancer from smoking. My paternal grandfather had great issues with alcoholism and I witnessed it firsthand how violent he could be because of it. I guess it’s things like that, that really construct a foundation for me on why I’m wary.
I could never resort to drinking or smoking, or doing drugs, or anything of the sort, to escape my problems.
I guess my motto has always been - I rather face and confront everything raw, even if it hurts. Even if life or the circumstances suck. I rather not try to run away through some alternative method. It’s just me. I’m not saying anyone who doesn’t do it that way is weak and a sucker… that’s not the message I’m trying to convey. I guess I’m just speaking of my own personal experience. I have a very strict way of teaching myself. I’m very hard on myself. I think I try very hard to self-discipline at times. Sadly, I guess I hold this way of viewing and project it onto partners. It’s odd that I don’t when it comes to friendships, but with partners - I’m very picky. I try very hard to be with someone who holds similar views as me on such.
I sort of view this similarly to religion. I consider myself an atheist - but that doesn’t mean I’m going to enforce anything on anybody. I respect people’s religions as long as they respect what I feel, and other’s as well - and especially as long as it’s not harming anyone or twisted into a toxic thing. Speaking of which, I honestly feel trying to know and understand as much religions as you can is actually just as important as not knowing or not affiliating with one. I think even those who don’t want to be affiliated with religion, should read more on all the many kinds out there. You’d be surprised at how much you’ll begin to broaden your lens when it comes to other people who practice one.
Well, anyway.. Those are just my thoughts.
T-THANK YOU. ( ///A///)
I don’t know whether to love or cry at how gay this is lol well practically every time I do it, it’s still perfectly gay.
I sometimes wonder if people are like “Why the fuck does this guy upload photosets of himself with his partner" YEA IDK EITHER BUT I LIKE DOING IT
Because when I look at things like this it reminds me of what I should be reminded of, I guess you can say.
Actually I just wanted to upload her / hello-michi's face on here but I felt weird and wanted to add my face ha ha hahahahaaa
And it’s been a little over a year since we met each other now. Maybe that might seem like a short time to others, but for me, it’s the longest I’ve actually /been with/ someone. I hope I can look back at this someday and have warm feelings.